Now that I'm here, I'm not sure I have anything to say. I haven't kept a legitimate blog since college. It's strange how hard we find it to fit things in that use to be so easy. The way our priorities rearrange. How things that are really important to us drift off into the realm of "I need to do that again, but I'll do it later." So many creative ideas lost. So many paths unknown.
I've recently taken a new job. I'm not particularly sure why. I liked my old job, and even those this current job is something I was aspiring towards, I don't really possess the drive for it I once did. I guess in the end, it was the creativity it was going to allow me to explore. That's assuming I'll have any time, of course. The other hard part about this job is the separation from my partner. She is a writer and editor. She also has a new job that keeps her in our old city. I've had to move.
I don't mind the emptiness of the house. There's still boxes everywhere. My clothes are still in duffle bags and dishes packed away. I haven't had the time or energy to unpack due to the job and it's time constraints. It won't always be like this, but one does get tired of searching for coffee mugs.
I'm a musician. It's the air I breath, or at least I use to. I think I've been drowning for some time. I'm also an educator, and the two, while related, are individually so demanding. They really are like air and water for me. Too much of one or not enough of the other tends to cause an imbalance that results in depression, laziness, and general break downs. Everyone needs a hobby, right? Well, hobby is an understatement.
Being a teacher is rewarding but exhausting. Teaching music is, in it's current form, counter intuitive. The exhausting side is dealing with all of the bullshit that goes with being a teacher. Competitions. Tests. More competitions. Parents. Competitions. And at some point, we have to pass on a passion for the art form that is pure and non competitive. Um... what?
Enough of that for now, I created this blog to hopefully find some outlets for all of the things I've been holding inside. I'm not sure if I will share this with anyone. So if you're reading this and you know who I am, good for you. It means I trust you enough or want you to know things about me that no one else does. Or, in general, you're just a good guesser.
I have a tendency to recap my entire life when I start a blog. That's probably why they usually fail. I did a writing exercise once that asks you to describe your life in four sentences. That's it. No more, no less. It amazes me that there are people who can't fill that. I could take up books, I think. Not because I feel like my life is particularly interesting or special, but because I just like telling stories, so here it goes:
I've lived in 3 major cities, all of which have had (or are having) drastic impacts on my life. They say that the average person falls in love 7 times throughout their life (this sentence doesn't count as it prefaces the next one). This puts me at around number 5, which worries me, because I am engaged and I am in love, but if there is other love, how do I truly promise everything to one person? I am a music teacher, and through this I have developed a passion for truly understanding human learning and music's effect on this process. I have by no means had a hard life, but that's not to say there have not been challenges.
We'll leave it there for tonight. I try to be happy, because I've learned that not trying to be happy will always leave you sad. It's the trying part most people have problems with.
Be happy. Goodnight.
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